Dear People,
Is my internet connection working? Help. I’m trapped in a red room six miles beneath the Grand Army entrance to the 2/3. My AM New York got caught in the train breeze and I chased it. The rest is kind of a blur. I woke up here, alone, and thought the world was ending because those trains were so damn loud. I thought I was in some emergency bunker. Maybe I am. I’m not entirely sure. It’s weird. There are directions written on pieces of masking tape. In the mini fridge stocked with Rolling Rock ponies, there’s a note that says “Help Yourself”. Not my drink of choice, but hey. There is also a stock of big grab bags of spicy fritos that I’ve been rationing. So don’t worry, I’m not starved. The thing that sucks is my i-phone is all fucked up. There’s no freaking service down here and Ms. Pac Man won’t work. I’m bored. All I’ve got is this stupid paper. I’ve read the damn thing front to back a hundred times. And in case you didn’t hear by now, Guy Ritchie and Madonna are on the rocks.
What else? Oh, I have no idea how to keep track of time. It's like I'm living in freaking China or something. I turned my iphone off to save battery power and when I turned it back on it couldn’t pick up a signal so the time just started from there. January 1st. Year 0. Today, according to my phone it's the 11th day. So I’m guessing it's like November 5th or something where you guys live. Which I’m wondering, is there like some kind of holiday? I haven’t heard a train in a while. Maybe that means some sandhogs are digging for me?
Or track work?
God, I’m getting so sick of the same damn meal.
Louise
2 comments:
Louise, I am glad your internet is working. Get out of that hole.
You know, I could have sworn you were there, at Bar Sepia, watching the election results come in on the 4th. We were drinking tall Obamas--a shot of Kenyan espresso, a shot of Hawaiian Kona coffee, a shot of steamed milk, and a psychotropic drug called Ayahuasca, which I had never heard of. You said something really funny and the bartender called you "haircut" all night. Did I hallucinate that?
Well, you can come out now, Obama won, and don't eat those Fritos, we're going to need them for Ethenol. I bought you a Segway.
Louise, I ask that stay where you are and remain calm. America is having a tough time right about then, where you are in the future, but there's a light at the end of the tunnel, and that light's name is John McClane. He's coming to get you outta there, babe, just hang tight. If Hans, the naked guy from the second one, Jeremy Irons and Maggie Q couldn't stop him, rest assured that Bill Ayers doesn't stand a chance. Don't let Gordon Elizabeth drive you mad in the meantime. Your plight is sort of an allegory for her existence, in so far as she is forever making declarations from deep within the red dark of an underground cavern that have practically no bearing on reality. Though I wouldn't doubt if she has, in fact, bought you a Segway. That's exactly the kind of thing she WOULD do.
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